Whoa!

Ok, I admit I have been away for a month! Weird. I always seem to not forget (great grammar, I know). However, the last month, I have been busy, even though I havent thought I have been.

I read 3 books since school got out. They were all good, but somewhat out of my realm of understanding, since some of them were way too wordy or just out there ideas.

I worked for a week doing landscaping at a print shop. That was good to do something. I appreciated having the opportunity to work. I also went to Pennsylvania to see Blake, which turned out to be really good.

Now I am in Mexico. I am working construction with New Tribes Mission. We are starting the building of the rooms of the first floor, as well as the 2nd floor walls on the outer edge of the building. It is cool to see the progress of the building, even though it has only been a week. More to come on that.

 

Safety

Why do we as Christians pose such a emphasis on safety? I mean, I do it all the time: Lord, please bless this trip, and keep us safe from harm. Sometimes after saying those words, I wonder why I did. 

I examine sometimes the thought of being in the hand of God. I think of the disciples. They gave up everything, and nothing was ever safe for them. They spent years in prison, and were brutally killed. Doesnt sound too safe to me. 

I think, however, although asking God for safety isnt a bad thing, it is the wrong question. We are asking God to be part of our lives in a way that he already has control over. The question we should be asking is “Lord, find me faithful.” The times that it is easiest to control thoughts are when we are safe. It is when strife happens that our true colors come out. 

Jesus was a man who knew what was going to happen. He knew the comfort level he was about to take on. 

I just pray that from now on, that God will find me faithful. I pray that he will find me faithful and serve all, not out of selfish ambition, but that which is of Christ, and how he served.

 

RK

I recently had the opportunity to hear an amazing speaker. I was in a crowd of 20 or so people, which was small for the size of my campus. Here is what he said.

In churches today, what is the point? There are mega churches with thousands of people. How is it that there is only 1 person gifted with the ability to teach? Are we making crowds, or are we making disciples, like Christ told us to. Are we just making a mistake? Is church supposed to be a comfortable place? What about our money? 85% of the world’s money given in tithes around the world is spent in the US, and only 15% of the Christian church is in the US. There is something wrong with that. How come Christians are so comfortable and have to have the experience?

 

86% of churches in the US lose members annually. 4,000 churches a year close their doors. 14% grow because of church jumpers. Where is the next experience, many ask. 

WHY ISNT ANYONE SCREAMING about ANY of this? These are crazy figures. We are so comfortable? 

Well let us take a look at worship. That seems to be good. Who are we committing to when we worship? God? Ourselves? The person standing behind me, who is off pitch? Since when did worship become about us? God intended worship to be an alone thing that we bring together. How many churches come to worship instead of bring their worship together? Do we really pay to have a worship experience? We can have that for free if we jsut brought together our experiences.

 

Sickness

I have been praying a lot lately. I feel myself talking to God when I am doing nominal things, making life really seculuded. I was reading a book by Brother Lawrence, and he used to pray while he did the dishes. I havent been able to not pray while I do the dishes just because I read that.

I have been struggling, though, with sickness. I mean, I know God answers prayers and all, but his timing is just crazy. Or maybe he is just wanting me to be a stronger pray-er. I keep praying for one specific person, and that person seems to be getting sicker, and there is nothing I can do. I am still around, and I am not going anywhere, but I feel like I am not doing enough to help make her better. I just want them to be better. That is all.

God, please be with Kelly right now as she is resting. Be with her body and heal her. Thank you for the blessing she is to me, and the time I have had getting to know her better.

 

Never

I went to McDonald’s tontite. I shouldnt have. Everything about it was guilt while I was in the drive through. The money I was spending was not necessary, especially when I am saving for a summer without getting paid much. Anyway, there were 2 cars in line: me, and a black Cavalier at the pick up window. I am not even kidding you, I waited 11 minutes. I was frustrated, and impatient because I had a game to play! So I was sitting there, nothing to do but wait, and I just listened to the radio. It was a song called “Never Let Go” by David Crowder Band. I thought to myself how I wanted to listen to something upbeat to get me pumped for my game, but I ended up listening to the whole song, which really calmed me down.
There are a ton of times in the song where he just repeats the words “You never let go.” I sought this to be very comforting. The past two weeks have not been an easy pill to swallow, so to speak, with all the things going on. I have many decisions to make, and many thoughts to process, as well as potential problems to deal with, but it is comforting to know that God is Never Letting Go, no matter what I do, say, think, feel, try to escape, force away from him, etc. He is always there, even when I am not turning to him. I am astounded that He would do that for me, a sinner who is only learning. I so many times feel like I can do it by myself, and then God stops me, like he did in the car at McDonalds, and says “I am still here, and I am waiting. Come back to me.”
So, I dont care who knows it. I am proud to say that I am not letting go of Him, just like He has not let go of me. Never.

 

Dead, but Alive

Isnt it sweet to think that there is a group of people who trust in something that actually happened, and not made up? I think it is sweet how God sent his son to die. I mean, I dont know if I could give my son to die. And then to have him bear all of our sins, and then offer it to me, for free. And then have me join his party in heaven.
Seems like a pretty good deal to me. Happy Easter. Remember that Jesus is alive, after finishing his business deal where he spanked the devil, and came out on top, and is no longer dead. The alive part is most important.

 

Summer

This has been the most confusing/draining/tiring/restless semesters ever when it comes to planning for the sumemr ahead. I have emailed and applied, gotten rejected, denied, accepted, put on hold, and everything else in between. I have no idea where to go, what to do, reasons why, other than superficial reasons, or hunches, or feelings I have about doing something. Sometimes I feel like one option is the best, then other times I feel like the opposing reason to doing something for the summer is a better option. Weird, right?

 

Reading

I read the Bible out loud the other day for about 40 minutes. It was refreshing. Also, at church today, Palm Sunday, the dismissal was a time of prayer, and leave as you want, and for the first time in about 2 weeks my heartbeat and breathing were in sync. It was relaxing, being in the presence of God. I cant explain it, but it was the most calming situation I can rememebr being in in a long time.

 

Stars in the Sky

My mother had me listen to a song the other day from an artist I havent listened to in years. Stevn Curtis Chapman released a new verse to his song “Yours,” which proclaims how everything is God’s, and we are just a part of it. As I get closer to going to Mexico, I cant help but think of possible situations that I could find myself in. I know that I am going to dark places.

I’ve walked the valley of death’s shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I’ve had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.
Those are the lyrics to his song. I pray that this trip brings light to the darkness. I pray that I will not be worried about safety, but rather worried about being obsessed with Christ, and moving to Him. I dont want this to just be a joy ride vacation like people think it will be. I want to be so obsessed with Christ that they want to know more. That is all. I give it all to Him.

 

3

Last night I had a really intense discussion with a close friend about Philippians chapter 3 and what it means.
I would urge you to read the chapter in a version different than the NIV. Possibly the Amplified Version would be of choice. I cant believe that I havent ever looked at this chapter without ever thinking anything more than what I normally have.
This should be life changing. That is all I am saying. This is all you need to live life fully, and in the United States as a Christian.